14 vintage Thanksgiving foods we're thankful to never eat again
Sometimes it's okay to say, "No, thanks."
Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday. It brings people together. You gather with family and dig into traditional food that has been passed down from generation to generation — grandma's green bean salad, candied yams, butter-sage stuffing.
However, some recipes are not handed down, with good reason. Sometimes, it's best to leave some side dishes in the past. Our tastes have changed over the years. For starters, we are far less into gelatin. (Assuming, of course, you are not reading this in the Upper Midwest.) And good luck serving anything with "loaf" in its name on Turkey Day.)
Let's look at some rather horrifying foods that would have us running for the kids' table.
Need leftovers ideas? Just hash everything together, congeal it, pile it up.
Image: Shelf Life Taste Test / Flickr
Orange and Olives Turkey
"I get the radish caruncles!" said no child ever.
Image: Vintage Ad Browser
I'll just chew the garnish, thank you.
Image: Vintage Recipe Cards
Apple Mallow Yam Yums
Throw some of your leftover Halloween candy in there while you're at it.
Image: Eudamonius / Flickr
Cranberry-Fish Soufflé Salad
Is that a giant Swedish Fish?
Image: Cindi Whittaker / Flickr
Frozen Jellied Turkey Vegetable Salad
This lump comes from the 1975 cookbook Carefree Cooking With Aluminum Foil. Were the vegetables applied to the sides with a literal peashooter?
Image: Charm and Poise / Flickr
Camel Cigarettes After Every Course
Smoke a Camel "right after the soup." After the Waldorf Salad? Have another to "clear the palate." A smoke adds another "final touch of comfort" to dessert… Did everyone have a fresh pack on their place setting?
Image: sa_steve / Flickr
For those mayonnaise lovers who have ever walked into a Yankee Candle store in the mall and thought, "I'm suddenly hungry."
Image: catzuzan / eBay
Even More Cranberry Candles
Image: Retro Recipe Attempts
Oh, this was really a widespread practice. Cranberry sauce, strawberry Jell–O, salt, mayonnaise, walnuts. On fire.
Old Gold Cigarettes
Phew! Now that your belly is fully of creamy fruit candle, time for another cigarette break.
Holiday Vegetable Loaf
Loafing around is always part of Thanksgiving.
Why stuff a bird when you can stuff a slice of Spam?
On the lower left, the recipe calls for dates, orange slices and cottage cheese. Sounds like Weight Watchers, circa 1981.
Image: thekitschbitsch / JonWilliamson.com
Hot Dr. Pepper
Wash it all down with some flat, steaming soda.