Tonight on MeTV, we not only prove that the song was right- “Big Girls Don’t Cry”- but that one really big girl, in particular, could make people die! An unhappy wife of normal size has a close encounter of the alien kind- resulting in a transformation from being the object of the townspeople’s pity to becoming a big woman in town-literally! Beware the beautiful behemoth out for vengeance on her horrible hubby-it’s the “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman”!

This 1958 sci-fi favorite opens with a newscast- reporting sightings of a fireball streaking across the sky over various locations. Its current trajectory is predicted to bring it directly over the California desert. An abused and upset wife, driving on a desert road, not only spots it- but almost runs right into said “fireball”-which is actually a satellite that has now touched down to earth! (Please note: it’s referred to as a satellite throughout the film, though it actually looks more like a big white weather balloon). Nancy, the distressed damsel driving, can’t escape, since her car stalls. As she exits her vehicle, we see a giant hand reaching for her! She barely escapes on foot, shouting all the while for her husband Harry ( if you’re playing a drinking game, you might want to take a swig every time you hear the name “Harry”).

Said Harry, meanwhile, is otherwise occupied- hanging out in a dive bar with a young floozy named Honey! (Did you ever notice that very few young floozies are named Prudence?) It’s no surprise that (ahem) among other things, the couple is deep in discussion about ways to eliminate Harry’s wife. They come up with a plan-since Nancy has a known penchant for the bottle, they can enlist a doctor- who once had the boozy bride committed to a sanitarium- do the same thing again- taking Nancy out of the picture.

Meanwhile, just outside the bar, the local cops have run into the still-fleeing Nancy- who frantically tells them her story of the satellite and a giant alien. The officers are naturally skeptical but still bring Nancy out to the location where she was accosted by the alien. They find nothing- no alien, no satellite-just Nancy’s abandoned car. The police suspect the whole thing is just a delusion that came out of a bottle, but Nancy maintains that the alien was real and especially seemed to be reaching for the massive diamond she is wearing. The somewhat sympathetic cops warn her of the dangers of flashing a big rock like that around, and they consider the case closed.

Dejected, Nancy returns home, to find that, amazingly, her hubby is actually there (and not at the bar, nor the hotel where he keeps Honey stashed). When Nancy’s kindly butler, a longtime part of her family, tries to tend to her, Harry sternly sends him away. After some nasty bickering, tipsy Nancy finally relents because, deep down inside, she still loves Harry. Harry pretends to return her affection, and “lovingly” urges her to sleep it off.

Things get tense when Honey puts heavy pressure on Harry to take care of the Nancy problem, since she’s tired of waiting around for him. Even without the benefit of the internet back then, word of Nancy’s “delusion” spreads all over town- and the poor woman’s doctor is called in, just as the scheming couple has planned.

His examination shows that she is in very fragile condition, both physically and mentally. He provides the loyal butler with medication and the warning to, above all, keep her away from the alcohol! He should have also told him to keep her away from Harry- because, again, Nancy gets into an argument with her wayward hubby- and, after viewing an insensitive TV report making fun of her, demands that Harry accompany her out in the desert- to look for the alien and prove she is telling the truth!

Unlike her earlier search with the police, this one proves frighteningly successful- and what occurs brings about incredible changes in Nancy-tying in her diamond, radiation, and that giant alien being- leading to some of the most famous scenes from the movie- with 50-foot Nancy in search of- and bellowing for- “Harry”!

The low-level special effects notwithstanding, this is a fun (and funny) movie- with the eye candy of not only Allison Hayes as the gorgeous giant Nancy, but also the sultry “other woman” Honey- Yvette Vickers. We’ll run down the rest of the cast as well- and- find Gwengoolie has a big problem! We will encore a two-part interview with the men who voiced “Pinky and The Brain” and scores of other characters- the talented duo of Rob Paulsen and Maurice LaMarche! We’ll also chat with some of our favorite Sven-fan actors and pro wrestlers, and a legendary comics artist who left us far too soon. We’ll provide some handy instruction about how to shoot footage of a UFO, bring you a song, and- at the door at the show’s conclusion, we reprise the visit from famed late night and SNL character, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, brought to us by Robert Smigel !

“Attack of the 50 Foot Woman” returns on MeTV tonight at 8pm eastern/pacific, 7 pm central- if you’re unsure of the time and channel in your area, please check your local listings or at www.metv.com . Our viewers continue to live-Tweet during the show on Twitter, and comment live on Bluesky-using the hashtag #svengoolie on both- so feel free to join in! Chicago area viewers can see a rematch of “Godzilla VS Monster Zero” at 11 am on WCIU, the U !

It's no fooling that the new Svengoolie baseball jersey was made available in our store starting on April 1st-so, get yours to suit up for the season! Also, thanks to everyone who took a moment to congratulate us this week on the anniversary of our going national on MeTV 14 years ago.

Join us on MeTV tonight for the plus-size pulchritude (being 50 feet tall would make her plus-size, right?) and peril of a woman scorned- and enlarged!