Watch the Love Boat crew introduce the 1983 ABC lineup in this rare, kooky video

If you recognize all 58 celebrity guest stars, you deserve to be cruise director.

Image: ABC / YouTube

Television network contracts with actors used to be far more demanding. No matter how big a star you were, you seemingly had to do whatever the network asked of you. Like, say, appear in an hour-long promotional special aboard The Love Boat. Just imagine if every current major star on CBS was asked to appear in a special "Sheldon Bash" at the Big Bang Theory apartment to kick off the 2017–18 series. How many celebs would show up?

Well, back in 1983, the entire ABC roster all turned up aboard the Pacific Princess. Every network star from Baio to Zmed can be seen in The Love Boat Fall Preview Special. The casts of new shows like Webster and Hardcastle and McCormick acted in skits to push their premieres. Emmanuel Lewis sat at Isaac's bar for a chat. Henry Winkler, sporting a beard, introduced Maureen McGovern, who sang a love song written to the audience. Captain Stubing sang and danced atop a fountain.

Oh, yes, did we mention that the Love Boat cast is in character but nobody else is? It's a little strange.

In total, 58 celebrities appeared on the special. It took the poor breathless narrator 69 seconds to read off all the names in the opening credits.

The passenger list included Ursula Andress, Scott Baio, Priscilla Barnes, Douglas Barr, Christine Belford, Pamela Bellwood, Tom Bosley, James Brolin, T.K. Carter, Susan Clark, Joan Collins, Marshall Colt, Bert Convy, Nathan Cook, Cathy Lee Crosby, James Darren, Bette Davis, Linda Evans, Lou Ferrigno, Freeway, John Forsythe, Richard Gilliland, Robert Guillaume, Missy Gold, Dorian Harewood, Pamela Hensley, Lee Horsley, Ken Howard, Daniel Hugh-Kelly, Alex Karras, Brian Keith, Richard Klein, Emmanuel Lewis, Heather Locklear, Lee Majors, Jayne Meadows, Ricardo Montalban, Erin Moran, Ben Murphy, James Naughton, James Noble, Holly Palance, Jack Palance, Stephanie Powers, Bill Randolph, John Ritter, Marion Ross, Connie Sellecca, William Shatner, James Sloyan, Lionel Stander, Inga Swenson, Heather Thomas, Robert Wagner, Carlene Watkins, Henry Winkler, Alfie Wise and Adrian Zmed. Phew.

If you recognize all those names, well, truly you've come to the right place.

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