Darren McGavin: Kolchak or The Old Man from A Christmas Story?

Which one of McGavin's most iconic characters uttered these phrases?

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Did you notice these M*A*S*H actors on Kolchak: The Night Stalker?
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Darren McGavin is a great actor. Typically, those lucky enough to play an iconic role have just one. McGavin, with Kolchak and A Christmas Story, had (at least) two. They're wildly different characters, but they both showcase McGavin's signature sense of authority. The guy commands a presence!

We're sure you can tell the difference between Carl Kolchak and the Old Man from A Christmas Story. But could you tell some of their quotes apart? We'll name a line from one of these two projects, and you only need to pick which one it's from! Good luck, and make sure to leave your thoughts and your score in the comments section below! 

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  1. "That son of a ***** would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!"
  2. "He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare!"
  3. "If you want a job done right, you just have to foul it up yourself."
  4. "You used up all the glue on purpose!"
  5. "A raccoon, with a heart attack... maybe you fed it too much cholesterol."
  6. "Yeah, yeah. You see, he, he takes books out. He's got half the books in the library out and they're all over due. As a matter of fact, they've got a warrant out for his arrest."
  7. "Buck Finemann, seventy-two years old. Cantankerous old geezer. No-one liked him much..."
  8. "You wart mundane noodle!"
  9. "F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, 'The rich are different than you and me.' They sure are. They got more money."
  10. "Where's my screwdriver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in."

Darren McGavin: Kolchak or The Old Man from A Christmas Story?

Your Result...

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93 Comments

Tresix 6 months ago
10 for 10! Oh, fudge! I think I can take on both Scut Farkis AND Grover Dill!
Tresix Tresix 6 months ago
What the heck, throw in Janos Skorzeny too!
IndianaRockz 7 months ago
8/10
I'm watching Kolchak right now as I type!
DeniseMarie 8 months ago
8/10, love Kolchak! The episode with the headless motorcyclist cracks me up every time...reminds me of a Halloween party I went to where a guy dressed up as a ghoul carrying a coffin. His head stuck out of the coffin and there was a fake head attached to his body while he carried the coffin. He won first prize!
MikefromJersey 8 months ago
Author Jean Shepherd based the movie on his book "In God We Trust All Others Pay Cash"
and the stories he told nightly on his legendary WOR AM radio show. Shep went to school
with my mom, he and Flick and the rest are in her yearbook which Shep signed.

Quiz question: Shep makes a cameo in the movie, can you spot him?
jimmyvici 9 months ago
10/10! 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎
Snickers 9 months ago
10/10 Wonder if the old man would ever fight Vampires and Werewolves?
ww245 9 months ago
More like it. Missed the last one....dang! 9/10
geatornez82 9 months ago
9/10. Missed #8, and I watch "A Christmas Story" almost every year. "NOTTAFINGAH!"
Gunsmoked 9 months ago
Both Kolchak Movies The Night Stalker and The Night Strangler are right up Svengoolie's
alley . After The Night Strangler aired it was all that the kids at school were talking about
especially how cool it would be to go exploring in Seattle's Creepy Underground City.
Those 24 hours of A Christmas Story paid off for this quiz/
daDoctah Gunsmoked 9 months ago
I've actually taken that tour. The Underground isn't nearly as opulent as they made it in the movie, and the most fascinating feature is all the toilets upon pedestals. (Early residents raised them because they hadn't realized how much back-pressure the tide would generate going back out to sea from Tacoma; the very first ones turned into geysers twice a day.)

Then after a big fire gutted downtown, they decided to rebuild with the new Street level at what had been the second story, which is why the old first floor and it's raised toilets came to be underground.
BenSobeleone Gunsmoked 9 months ago
I was just watching The Night Strangler tonight. Great movie! By the way, the tour guide in the Seattle Underground City tour was George DiCenzo who played Vincent Bugliosi in the 1976 tv- movie Helter Skelter.
Mannixishot 9 months ago
Only got all of them because A Christmas Story is one of my favorite movies. It was easy picking those quotes out and knowing the others would belong to Kolchak.
VernCaldwell 9 months ago
10/10 Wasn't much of a Nightstalker fan but love A Christmas Story. Pretty easy if you can recite lines from ACS.
musicman37 9 months ago
I loved the character of Kolchak, but for the life of me I can't understand why everyone falls down and wets themselves over "A Christmas Story". I never liked it.
DaisyDuke67 musicman37 9 months ago
Neither do I. Even the one with the grown up Ralphie.
cinamac musicman37 9 months ago
I love A Christmas Story, but I don’t fall down and wet myself over it!!!🤣😅😂 Try watching The Great American Fourth of July and Other Disasters…I saw this first, on PBS, and fell in love with Jean Shepherd.
mackjaz musicman37 9 months ago
Yeah... it's inoffensive, but hardly the work of art so many seem to think it is. I can barely sit through it anymore. Not the kind of movie I would watch over and over again.
daDoctah 9 months ago
Shouldn't they have saved this and run it in December instead of right before the 4th of July?
LalaLucy 9 months ago
10/10 One of the easiest in a while. Know the old man lines backwards and forwards, so if I didn't remember him saying a line, it was definitely Kolchak.
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